I love the straight-facedness of fashion. Look at this dude. “Yeah, I’m wearing a neoprene T-shirt with a jumper collar, what the fuck are you looking at?” This thing’s 63% polyester, 34% cotton and 3% polyurethane – the stuff of a dry cleaner’s nightmares. And when would you wear this? It’s T-shirt, but made of knit. And wetsuit stuff. A hot day? A cold day? You’d be shitting in your own mouth either way.

I do love it though. Obviously not to wear. I’m not deranged. But the (Japanese obviously) brand Kolor do bang out some absurdly luxe sartorial equipment for the absurdly luxe sartorialist. If you don’t know ’em, check out their wares at LN-CC. Sweatpants for 300 bones, 270 quid pleated sports shorts… It’s a lot of look.

I genuinely love the brand, but this aquatic sweater/T-shirt does make me smile. It’s got vents under the arms? Why? Are you supposed to work up a sweat in that thing? I guess it’d be okay for playing table tennis in the park, on a day that had intermittent sunshine, followed by gentle to mild breeze, with a 2% chance of precipitation. So, I guess, that justifies the 360 quid right there.