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I wish I’d never seen this

If you buy this shirt, the last thing you should do is wear it. It’s so cool it’s disgusting. Just having this shirt, at home, in your closet is enough. Friends will know how irritatingly cool you are, even if they’ve never seen you wear it, even if they’ve never seen it, or heard of it, or met you. So vigorously correct is this shirt that even as I look at it, I feel vaguely ashamed to have been born a mere human man, rather than a rendering  of over-dyed cotton and elastic ribbed hem inserts.

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