So, I’m writing a book. You know, belatedly trying to capitalise on that whole 50 Shades thing.  But I’ve gone for a different angle, it’s about a kingpin in the Bengali kink scene. It’s called Poppa Dom. Anyway, I’m just sitting there, trying to figure out how to incorporate both a garlic naan and some onion salad into a scene involving a piece of equipment called The Ultimate Asslock and my attention wavers. Before you know it, I’m gone. I’m back on menswear sites, checking these killer Yuketens.

I’ve got a couple of pairs of Yuketens and the quality is off the charts. But most often, it’s the more reserved styles that seem to be most easily available in the UK. Nice then to see this all-over camo print version of the brand’s Cristy Sole Loafer dropping at End.

Goodyear welted, hand-stitched toe, ethically sourced full grain leather – seriously, what else could you possibly be looking for? I guess, something cheaper? They do roll in at a pretty significant 419 quidpieces. So, it’s either re-mortgage, or start saving – these beasts won’t be around at sale time, be of no doubt.

I need to finish this book, publish it online for a quid a go and sell 419 copies quick. You’d read a story featuring quality Indian cuisine and ponytail butt plugs right?