Just now, I was standing in a shop, waiting ages, behind a girl attempting to buy some chewing gum and a Feast. Number one, who the fuck buys a Feast any more? It’s not even real chocolate. How has she never heard of a Magnum? And number two, I was waiting ages because she didn’t even get her purse out until the cashier had rung up her goods. Then… she paid in change. Like, £2.18 or some shit. Chink, clink, chink… counting out penny, by two pence, by five pence. The back of her neck must have been boiling – I was power-sighing all over it. And then… and then… When she’d finally dropped the final two pence onto the counter, she just fucking stood there. In the way. While she tried to wrestle her purse back in her bag. Valuable seconds ticked. By this point, my palms were sweating and my gums were bleeding with rage. I looked at the magazine racks and the covers came alive. All the celebrities were riding armoured tigers, leaping around the shop, big cats screaming, Ellie Goulding, Kimberley Walsh and Khloe Kardashian going all Zulu, chanting and shaking spears. I wanted a tiger to eat the girl. In one go. And have her Feast for pudding. But they didn’t.
For some people, a basic financial transaction takes the form of an odyssey. I’m pleased then, that few of these wanglords have a passion for rarefied Japanese menswear. Because if buying an ice-cream turns them into a coin-fumbling, socially inept, strugglepurse, negotiating the complexities of Japanese retail websites would finish them off.
My latest find in the untranslated jungle, is Thoroughly Denim. It’s an interesting brand, because it’s thoroughly not. Denim, that is. I mean they do denim. But most of the stuff I’ve seen isn’t. It’s like calling yourself Thoroughly Bumholes and selling a large range of nappies, but only one bumhole.
On the mighty Japan-Holic the brand is explained thusly… “Bearing the possibilities of denim in mind, we have produced clothing which incorporates functions and designs which can be useful in everyday life.”
Functions and designs which can be useful in everyday life? Like pockets? And trouser legs?
I have to say though, some of this stuff looks solid-cool. There’s some great detail – the trim on those windcheaters, the embroidered logo half way down the trouser leg and those joining pockets on the grey cargo pants. It’s the kind of brand that Japan excels at. American workwear staples, modernised, refreshed and then sold back to the west. At least they would be if the sites they sold on were easier to use. The best selection I’ve found is over at Digital Mountain. Needless to say, I don’t know of a retailer in the UK, yet.
And that badge on the shirt? I guess it’s their logo. It looks like a rosette. Stuck on your garms. Finally, an answer to the age old question… who’s the big winner baby? My money’s on any bro in that shirt.