After yesterday’s detour into my celebrity infused lifestyle, I thought I’d get back on point by dropping some savage menswear bombs. It’s Spring out there brah. Lose the knotted Scotlandian weaves. Fold up those jumbo cords. Take your parka out to the woods and shoot it in the hood. It’s time to get busy with lighter tones and breathable fabrics. Time to loosen those inhibitions broseph. Experiment with self-patterns, looser cuts, and splashes to colour. And, you know what, if this exciting approach results in you being approached by a limping old fella in the park for a chat, and without warning he thrusts his palm down the back of your Universal Works shorts and works his tallest finger into your chute, don’t jump to conclusions. Chill brah. He just probably really likes linen.

In the spirit of Spring, I’ve been hard at it. Literally, trawling upwards of around three webstore’s ‘Latest Products’ pages. I’ve assembled a studiously considered handful of garmage. This is stuff that if you drop for it now, you’ll fighting off the attentions of old man’s hands all season long. Now who’s the big winner baby?

Look away from these bonk-bonk Adidas Raf Simons Response Trails if you can. I spend so much physical effort trying to resist the lure of kaleidoscopic sneakers. I should just give in, buy an entirely black outfit (featuring some manifestation of leggings) stick these sneaks on and stand around in Dalston writing poetry, on leather, with a quill.

I have no idea what that Geordi La Forge shit is for. But I’m guessing it contributes considerably to the £269 price. I imagine End doesn’t accept gold-pressed latinum.

Sort of a bit like something I bought from (cough) Cos a while back, but actually nothing like it whatsoever, in that this is from Norse Projects and has lighter grey cuffs than the body, and a zip, and a bit of overlock detail and a little badge.

And it’s a bit blue on the inside. For fabric heads, it’s sliced from 100% cotton loomed Moulinex jersey. Which sounds good, I guess. I thought they only made blenders.

SuperRetroFuture  make banging shades. If your next pair of shades is not by them, take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. And if you’re staring back from that mirror wearing a different brand of shades, erect another mirror next to the last mirror and… I don’t know how to end this. If you’re in the market for some shades, check ’em now brah. They’re really goodly priced (around the 120s) and a piss-load cooler than Dior, Gucci and all that other cheeseball, airport lounge waz.

 

This is a white jacket.

It’s a Bleu de Paname Deck Jacket. The fact that it is white won’t have escaped your notice. Particularly if you had read the line above this picture that says ‘this is a white jacket’. Anyway, it is. Definitely. And probs you’re thinking that you don’t got the game to bust a white jacket. Probs you’re thinking you’ll look like a chef. Or a commis chef. Or a baker. Or anyone in the food service industry really. Or a snow suit Action Man.

 

But I think, if you look at this thing on (as you will have done to read this far) it tells a different story. That dude above doesn’t look like he knows one end of a sausage plait from another. I mean, few people need to, it’s pretty much the same at both ends…. But, look. He don’t look bakerish, or cookish or nothing. It’s a double-cool, crisp look and done up to the top, like a chore, it makes a stealth alternative to the standard navy and grey.

Gots to get me some light weight, navy trouser style on for the warmer months.

They are agreeably navy on the front.

A trend that is continued on the rear.

They’ve got purple stitching, for when you give the hems a pop. And…

What the balls. They’re pajama bottoms. Or are they? No. They’re not. Thing is, while the whole tie cord waist is pretty strong in Japan, in the UK you could expect some humorous comments from fellow bros. These are from impertinently hipster brand Needles and cost ￥17,850. No, I don’t know how much that is. I’m nearly at the end. XE it yourself brotherman.

Last thing. And it’s some chemise.

Just look at all that glorious embroidery. It’s a Cosmic Dreamer Shirt by Coast-Wide and it costs £258. Now that’s a lot. That’s a cock of a lot.

But just examine that craftsmanship.  You don’t just make something up like that. When I see this kind of artistry, it actually gives me faith in the continued evolution of menswear. There’s thought here. It’s a work that clearly has meaning. A sub-text perhaps? Is it a reference to an obscure film, or maybe a literary thing? Perhaps an ancient tribal signifier? I mean, someone bothered to sew all that. I needed to know what it meant. I revisited the Garbstore site. It says, ‘large embroidered motif on reverse’.