I imagine the medical staff on a Klingon Bird of Prey wearing these. They’d be all sticky with bits of hairy skin and horn fragments. But I guess the fat soles would elevate the wear above all but the deepest puddles of green blood.

I expect a lot of people will be turned off by the design. They just look weird. A bit like clogs. Weird of course can be good. Weird can be the bomb. But is it in this case?

RFW are the brand in question. You’ve got double-black fabrics going on, some nice white detailing round the back and some significant tread. We’re basically talking Sonny Crockett up top, and Michael Jordan down below. So to consider the DNA of these kicks; it’s a splice of tormented linen-clad squinting and ferocious dunking prowess, but in a black colourway suitable only for depictions of sci-fi anti-heroes. Of course, from another perspective, everything I’ve just written is a complete nonsense. But then, what do words actually mean?

Not sure ‘real’ sneakerheads would consider this shoe as boasting a ‘balanced silhouette’? I do quite like the white elasticated detail around the heel, but they do scream ‘fashion’ a bit too much for me. I can envisage a very ‘fashiony’ man wearing these. Probably with a stupid Vetements advert-coat. And a side parting. And a theatrical demeanour that suggests the world is going to end because a server misheard his order in Pret and it’s made him late for some bullshit PR internship.