It’s still warm out there right? People are still wearing shorts? Have you got any shorts? Do you like heavy denim shorts? The kind of shorts that actually might as well be normal weight trousers cos they’re made of heavy fucking denim so they encourage rivulets of sweat to run from your neck, under your T-shirt, down your spine, into your anal ravine, before gathering in your pubic jungle? Cools, you’re in the right place.

These heavy fucking denim shorts are by Japanese gardening loons Sassafras. Not like you’d do any gardening in them. Yeah, they’ve got pockets – serious pockets. Pockets inside pockets. That’s why I love them. Forget the pruner and a patio knife though. I’d load up with a packet of smokes, lighter, iPhone, headphones, wallet, keys and perhaps a 1970’s Star Wars figure for company. I’m thinking Hammerhead.

You can’t buy these in the UK. Point your internet here if you fancy a pair. Just keep your sopping undercarriage off my sofa brah.