Perfect for the action man who’s scared of action. This Mountain Research vest comes locked and loaded with all the urban utility needed to negotiate a day sitting in a cafe prodding at a bowl of granola.

It’s like a backpack, but not. More like a vest, but with backpackian elements. The rear of this thing boasts a big-ass pouch, so I guess, if you’re not layering it under a coat, you could hoof an iPad, some fags, your wallet, a couple of packs of Space Raiders and a Topic around no bother.

Whether 275 quid strikes you as reasonable to keep your confectionary close is your business. Personally, I’d carry nothing in this, I’d just keep it empty and revel in the audacity of a bro wielding so much spare pocketing and using it for bum all.

It’s called the Hunter Vest, although in actual day-to-day use, I’d anticipate the predatory element to be limited to trying to snare window seat at Byron Burger. Either way, it’s got side zip openings, branded press studs and four front pockets. Oh, and that all important, removable, Mountain Research stripy plastic tag thing. Would you take that thing off for the discrete self-confident play? Or leave it on, blatantly advertising your absurdly good taste and grandiose bankroll? I’d probably do the latter. But then, I already know I’m a bell.