There’s nothing like spending the morning swinging a bag around, feeling like a stack of knobs. People walk past, smirking at you. Then the bloody clouds move, the sun comes out and you start boiling in your poorly judged woolly jacket. There’s beading under your bucket. And sniggers in your ears. Drink it in bro-ists, this is what nuclear-level cool looks like.

I was happy with this outfit – for a good minute and thirty four seconds. Then Mr fucking Sunshine popped out to hot shit up. He’s not there, then he’s there, he’s not there, then he’s there, then, as soon as you throw on your short-shorts and your fishnet vest, he fucks off again, handing the baton to Doctor Clouds and his incontinent patient, Mrs Drizzle. No, I don’t know why I’m getting all Mr Men. Yes, I’m always getting caught out by our schizophrenic weather systems. No, I have no point other than that.

Look I’m squinting. The shot doesn’t show it, but the sun is needling my seeholes. I’m uncomfortable. This is honest fashion reporting people.

The Albam jacket is a few seasons old. They call it a travel jacket and if you unbutton it, it has a high, casual lapel, which, with the pockets, gives it a semi-safari suit vibe. I rarely unbutton it for that very reason. Really though, this post is about accessories…

My new hat is from The Superior Labor, picked up from the good people at Blue Button Shop. It’s a fabulously made slice of Japanese casual style, lined and thick – ideal as an alternative to a woolly hat when Autumn kicks in. This, along with my bag, are my first purchases from BBS and I can report that if you’ve any misgivings about trusting your lucci to an international, online purchase, with these guys you’re in solid hands. My stuff turned up in about three days (after a couple of emails reassuring me of progress) and it was packaged brilliantly, tissued-up and with a free BBS badge and sticker. Suaveness brahs.

Here’s the bag. It’s from Mr Gentleman (like The Superior Labor, difficult to get in the UK) and I’m just totally down with the nautical/camo face-off. I don’t usually rock a tote, but if you found yourself having a couple of pints with both Captain America and the Sub-Mariner, I can think of few items of luggage that would safely appease both heroes with such finesse.

I found a book under the floorboards in my flat. It looked like the cover was made of human skin, so I thought the best thing to do would be to read a passage out loud. The sky raged, lightning flashed and my boo scampered around on the ceiling and spat at me. After that shit calmed down, these socks sat on the floor in front of me. That didn’t completely happen. I bought them here. Still, these socks are off the charts bonk-bonk. Mysterious, tie-dyed and freaky. And with my Beams Plus loafers, suggestive of some kind of Shaman for hire.

Anyway. Hope you enjoyed today’s outfit as much as I didn’t. See you again, same place, different time, for more awkward grimacing and inconvenient perspiration.