So, ‘We Are All Prostitutes’ is a song by post-punk outfit, The Pop Group. ‘CDGU’ stands for Comme des Garçons Undercover. Does this T-shirt mean that the two Japanese brands are prostituting their talents on this basic T? Does it mean that the potential customer would be prostituting themselves by buying it? Or is it just an 80 quid opportunity to giggle at the word ‘prostitutes’? Personally, I don’t find the word ‘prostitutes’ 80 quids worth of funny.

The two avant gardists, Comme des Garçons and Undercover, have always tiptoed around the toilet bowl between fashion and art. Between wearability and fodder for the gullible. (And as someone who owns every issue of famed Comme des Garçons magazine, Six, it’s perhaps obvious which side I fall on.)

This re-issued, T-shirt colab however, is all about wearability (they’re just basic Ts right) and the artistry (should you perceive any) comes from the graphics. So let’s examine…

A broken gun, in a pile of leaves, with some letters in spiny circles. It’s all a bit black and white for me. Couldn’t the leaves have been coloured in green? I’m sure this means something that I don’t know. This shirt makes me feel stupid. But not stupid enough to spend 80 sheets on it. Next…

That’s a black and white brain, with a sort of body-tube spelling out Comme des Garçons. It reminds me of the scene in Hannibal where Hopkins gets busy with his cutlery on Ray Liotta’s bonce. The whole cannibalism vibe has never really been me. And I’m not in love with the idea of walking about with a colon on my chest. Next…

Now if this isn’t art, I have no idea what art is. If it isn’t this. Which is clearly is. There’s a fucking apple with a ribcage in it. And it’s inside the C. And there’s a wrong-way-round e. They’ve even got the paint box out and made the apple red. Because apples are sometimes red. I mean, they can be green, but often they’re red. Are you getting this? It’s all Christs of clever. I would buy this one. It makes me feel idiotic, in the best way. In the way that makes me point my internet here and immediately become an irritating amount of money less well off.

That’s the thing with art, it’s always worth what someone will pay. And as long as there are tool pieces like me around, that’s how it’ll stay.