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Kolor: Dispatches from the front line of lonely

My wife is away all week and there’s a party going on. Invite list: me. I’ve got The Pursuaders on series link and I’m currently watching Murder She Wrote while drinking Strawberry Nesquik. The other night I Deliveroo-ed a Shake Shack. Last night Wagamama. I’m seriously thinking about getting into Walker, Texas Ranger.

Jesus Christ help me. I’m so bored. I’m so very very lonely.

Turns out when you can do anything you want, anything you want is quite dull.

I picked up Modern Warfare again. Then I realised some genius at Activision has enabled mouse-flicking PC maniacs to cross-play with joypad users like me. It’s a massacre.

I’m so bored I spent 20 minutes trying to figure out if bathroom tap water tastes better than kitchen tap water. My findings? Inconclusive.

I know, I know, I’m lucky to have a partner to miss. But, sorry single bros, at least being lonely is your normative state. For me ‘alone’ is new. It cuts like a sword through Viennetta. And sure, I really like Viennetta. I just don’t want to be one.

I need to pull myself together. Revert to factory settings. Focus. As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve wanged some money on a nylon shoulder holster. I’ve also dropped my new Native Sons frames down the opticians (they’ll be ready to enter rotation next week). But now what? I need constant stimulus. More stuff, more stuff, more stuff… got to fend off the boredom.

Whoops. I’ve accidentally just dropped another twoer on this Kolor sweatshirt.

I’ve wanted one of these for ages (it’s a recurring Kolor design) and with no wife to tell me not to… well, this is what happens. (Sorry babes, but that’ll teach you to make me bored.)

As you can see, it’s got a crying infant on the front, some rainbow lasers and lots of small writing. It looks pretty interesting, Kolor’s a great brand, it’ll look cool under a wrinkled blazer. It’s coming direct from Kolor in Japan, but I want it now. Deliver it now. Stimulate me!

Christ Murder She Wrote is slow.I don’t seem to be able to open a fresh bottle of ketchup without getting sauce all over my fingers. Please hurry home love.

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