We’ve all done it. Partner’s away for a week. You get bored. You buy a nylon shoulder holster. I know right. Textbook.

One part of me questions what business I have buying a nylon shoulder holster in the first place. I mean, it’s a NYLON SHOULDER HOLSTER. I see precisely no men my age wearing shoulder holsters, nylon or otherwise. The last time I wore anything you’d classify as a ‘holster’ I was blowing out six candles dressed as a cowboy.

As I ordered it I convinced myself that it’d be useful for putting things in. Conveniently ignoring the 37 different bags I already own, and the fact that it’s a fucking nylon shoulder holster.

Now it’s arrived I have to reconcile myself with the idea that, yet again, I’ve blundered into form over function. That this wispy bit of rip-stop is good for little, except looking good. Assuming your stylistic reference point is T.J. Hooker.

Top Boys knocking out weed on the estate, nut-job republican survivalists and now me. The list of people who regularly wear holsters is not long. At least mine is by Engineered Garments. And of course, that is the crux of it. Once more I’ve been seduced by Daiki Suzuki’s way with scissors and styling. Nylon shoulder holster? Why not? Looks great poking from beneath a cardigan, and what about worn over a blazer?  Makes total sense. Extra storage. I always need extra storage when I’m wearing a blazer. Don’t I?

Anyways… the deed is done. I now own a navy blue, rip-stop nylon shoulder holster. I got in quick with the reveal to my girl too. I told her yesterday over Zoom, so she’s still got the rest of the week to cool off  — I am occasionally capable of making wise decisions.