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Needles: Yeah, I know, I’m a hero

Let’s watch another episode, then go for a walk. Let’s go for a walk then watch a film. For every step on the pavement, there’s a skip down a menu. Existence is a Möbius strip of Netflix and walking.

If I’m not walking, I’m watching. Something’s got to give.

I’m the kind of person that needs something to look forward to. I’m kept sane by that warm mental blip reminding me that there’s something good just around the corner. Maybe even a nice surprise. I assume my girl feels the same. So (in a remarkably uncharacteristic act of selflessness) I bought my girl a surprise.

“I don’t want to make you any more despondent”, I said, “but there’s a white mark on the quilt.”

“On the new quilt?”, she panicked. “For god’s sake. What is it?”

“Dunno”, I shrugged, “you should probably check it out.”

She hurried off to the bedroom. I listened. Silence. Then a loud, “oh my god”, followed quickly by, “what have you done?”

I’m probably making it sound more exciting than it was. The white mark on the quilt was a small Simone Rocha box. Inside, a necklace featuring my girl’s initial. She couldn’t have been happier.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m a hero. Don’t hate me for it. But it comes to something when the only way to break the monotony is to drop £200 on a bit of costume jewellery (not to mention the extra £12 for Matches to bike it straight over.)

Buying things. Yeah, I need to add that to the watching and walking. I may not buy things as frequently as I watch and walk, but I would if the bank would let me. The pinnacle of excitement in my life right now can be summed up by the following words: ‘your order has been dispatched.’ Sure, I enjoy a new episode of Wandavision. But it doesn’t deliver the same buzz as an imminent Goodhood delivery of curly candles, a £40 coffee cup that’s been doodled on with a black marker and some pastel Allen keys.

My girl thinks I’m addicted. Maybe I’ll buy this next: a Needles army shirt in 11oz denim. Elasticated cuffs, they’re a sweet touch. Buttons, stand collar, patch pockets, split side seams… seen all that before. It’s a smart looking thing, but I’ve already got pieces that look much the same. Essential it is not. Still, an email boasting this in a medium and the legend ‘your order has been dispatched’ would certainly provide some positive stimulus. Although, of course, within ten minutes of arrival I’m in the same boat again. More TV, more walks and back to the never-ending retail scroll. Buying your way out of boredom. There’s something very wrong here.

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