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I’d be totally paranoid

It’s all about levels I guess. And these shoes represent a level I don’t have the keycard to. Usually you’ve got to have around 400 coins in your pocket to entertain Yuketen footwear. Sale magpies can frequently swag for less. But broadly we’re looking at the low hundreds. This pair however… This pair (one of the most beautiful pairs of Yuketens I’ve ever seen) takes your low hundreds, doubles it and chucks more wedge on top. You’re looking at a £1,250 pair of shoes. To say this pricing structure represents an inconvenience is downplaying the situation somewhat. This is a fucking disaster. A marvellous and alluring disaster.

I’m not going to own these. That’s a given. But it doesn’t stop me from appreciating the hand-sewn Horween cordovan leather upper (the reason for the jumbo price) and the all important ghillie lacing system – a special make-up for retailer The Bureau.

They are in many respects the perfect casual shoe for now. They’re clumpy, they’re navy, they’re shiny (which I’ve got a thing for right now). The only problem is, as a casual shoe, you might want to wear them casually. And at that price, casual is probably not the attitude you’d want to take. If I owned these I’d be teetering about the place, dodging puddles and sneering at anyone on the Tube who dared touch their shoe to mine. Casual? I’d be totally paranoid.

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