A short walk from the posh cafes, restaurants and chintz of gentrified Peckham, you’ll find the real Peckham. It’s Afro Caribbean, it’s Pakistani, it’s pound shops, it’s Sports Direct, it’s yams. This is what I’m about. You see, I’m real. I’m the realness. You’d have to look quite hard to find someone more realness than me.
Some scientists believe our entire universe could be one of countless simulations created by beings billions of years in advance of ourselves. Fuck those scientists. They don’t live in Peckham. I’m so real I don’t even know what a panini is. The fact that I’m a white, middle-aged guy from a village in the Midlands is irrelevant. I’m here. I’m wearing real clothes. Walking around the real. Get over it bouji losers.