If you’re planning on trying to detach a Kraken by kicking it in the tentacles, take a look at the above. These are plimsoles for the brine botherer, a sea-dog’s kicks for sure. You can tell because of that extraordinary, extended, rubbery toe-pod. It’s to keep the sea out. Thing is, I think they look strangely interesting and would look good beyond the poop deck in a completely a non-nautical, but equally exciting environment. Smoking outside a Costa say. Or dawdling in Morrisons, blankly gazing at a garlic ‘tear and share’.

To get away with these, I don’t think you need to be a fully paid up Rupert with ambitions to win the America’s Cup. I don’t even think you need to own a Saint James sweater or have watched The Life Aquatic. I just think you need the nuts to say, “these look like a pretty practical plimsole for the traditionally inclement UK weather, I will wear them with pride, irrespective of the oversized rubber nappy on the front.”

I like these things. They’re by North Sea Clothing. You can grab ’em here. I believe they accept doubloons.