Now you see, this is why I like the less trodden avenues of menswear. Check this bum pouch right here. It’s a big pocket, spanning the cheeks. It’s like the rope bridge in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, traversing two great outcrops. Though hopefully in this instance, less likely to be macheted loose by a Thugee Cult and disappear down the gorge.

Even putting the rectal holster aside, this is a significant pair of trousers. They are the P-44 Utility Trousers, by The Real McCoys – a brand considered probably the world’s best at replicating the authenticity of vintage products, in effect making the best of the past, even better.  They feature a wide fitting leg and braces loop holes on the front. You’ve got 100% cotton herringbone twill in there, two side pockets and that all important ‘Made in Japan’ credibility.

It’s a handsome trouser to be sure. As perhaps they should be for 250 sheets. But at the very least you get a big pocket across your bottom. Which would be perfect for carrying your sandwiches, a packet of crisps and a couple of Penguins. Assuming you aren’t planning on sitting down. Ever.