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Enjoying opium and pedestrian landscape painting

In every respect, this is a shirt. Of that, there can be little question. Who it’s for, at £482, is very much a different question. Such is the quandary with Visvim. They are clothes for, one can only imagine, extremely wealthy dudes who relax in crumbling country piles, enjoying opium and pedestrian landscape painting, while groups of blonde 20-somethings swish about in gossamer robes. This guy doesn’t know what a Tesco Club Card is. This is not a guy who watches Jeremy Kyle’s Emergency Room. This is the guy you want to be. The Visvim guy – a Matilda on each arm, a platinum Amex in his pocket and a stubborn sense of entitlement where his brain should be.


This garm is titled The Vacher Lights Shirt.  Amongst the calico quilted star detail on the back, it says, “BEND.” Don’t ask me why. It’s got wooden buttons and apparently features the, “signature half hidden placket of the Vacher releases.” I’m not enough of a Visvim man to know what that means.

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I do know that I would wear it. Although due to the fiscal inconvenience of the swing ticket, I’d have to be inadvertently transported through a worm hole into a parallel version of my life, murder the parallel version of myself and take my rightful place as the inheritor of a Buckinghamshire mansion replete with a cannabis farm, a cellar full of plonk and a hareem of privately educated bints who walk about with their bits hanging out. To be fair, that is more likely than me dropping 500 coins on this.

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