So, check this ecru chore coat with printed scribbles. What do you make of it? I admire what it’s trying to do. Or I would, if I knew what it was trying to do. Still, I can’t ignore the fact that if I wore this, I’d look like a fully grown man on his last day of secondary school. But wearing a Japanese vintage twill jacket, with a drawing of a pint on it, rather than a cheap, nylon shirt covered in biro cocks. I’m not even sure which is the more sophisticated?

This hails from the brand Hollywood Ranch Market. Which, if you look at their website, appears to be a shop filled with painted tortoises and old shoes with plants in them. They also sell through Okura, the online home of killer indigo merchants Blue Blue Japan. If you buy direct it’s only about 160 quid. Which is good. Right?

I’ve just looked closer at the images. You can see that amongst all the scribblings, there’s an infant-quality rendering of an alarm clock. But, look closer and you’ll see it’s got arms and legs. And it’s walking. And just below the image it says, “time marches on.” Because, time, yeah? Is literally marching. Now I’m sorry, but that’s some deep thinking right there. Certainly more sophisticated than a felt pen knob spitting the words, “ur a gay.“