This model is too butch for this top. Do girls still call attractive men, ‘a hunk’? Or am I living in the 50s?  Anyway, he’s a fucking hunk. Look at his hunkiness. Look at his square shoulders and no beer belly. He’s too Hugo Boss for this top. I hate his athletic frame. I bet he likes cats. And never poos.

In order to carry this top off, you’ve got to be a weedy, chain smoking loser. An aspirant poet who can’t spell. A guy who pretends to read Byron in coffee shops and uses the word ‘fundamentally’ too much. Sound like you?

Good, so get yourself over to Blue Button Shop and drop the required on this preposterously titled IDG Jersey Hippie Long T (Bandanna Crazy) – Indigo. It’s by Japanese indigosmen Kapital, so it’s obscure enough for even the most pretentious wannabe wordsmith.

It’s indigo dyed and the sleeves – as if you hadn’t clocked – are patch-worked up in original Kapital bandanna bits. How does 116 quid sound? If it sounds about 50 quid too much, you’re out of luck. Cos it costs 116 quid.

I think it’s pretty reasonable. It captures the downtrodden, coffee-house, broke-but-not-really-broke, pseudo-thinker vibe totally. Completely. Fundamentally.