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Sex apparatus manufacture


Whistles have finally announced they’re launching their womenswear for men. No longer will envious bros have to sneak into their boo’s closet, to try on satin strappy jumpsuits, sleeveless shift dresses and French navy slingback mules. All aboard the lacy train brahs…


When I first peeped this, my initial disappointment at a clear lack of crepe vest tops, immediately gave way to a bit of a guhhh… I mean, this brah’s kit is not setting anything alight. Peacoaty, rollnecky, grey trousersy, white sneakersy… Looks like the entire menswear high street right now, no? If this dude rocked up to a queue at Morrisons with a basket filled with bulldog clips, olive oil and courgettes, the check-out girl ain’t gonna be distracted by this steez. She’s just gonna wonder how he’s gonna piece together that organic bumming machine. A bro’s steelio has got to pack more weight than this, if only to distract from his obvious sex apparatus manufacture.


Fuck me, this dude looks miserable. And dangerous too. It looks like he’s just been caught fencing a batch of hooky Iraqi Marlboros. Tracky Bs, white kicks again, a black bomber and a pink knit. Got to be honest, it kind of looks like Cos to me? I’m not trying to wang on this for the sake, but what is it I’m missing?


Perhaps it’s all about details. These are only behind the scenes shots and visuality is impaired yo. But, from here, this looks kind of dullage. And with that little cap too… its like the uniform at an exclusively gay fast food outlet. I’m not feeling my purse of monies loosening so far…


Fuck, now come on brah. That’s not on. You’re being paid to professionally wear clothes. You got to get your mind right smalls. You could at least pretend to be interested in professionally wearing those clothes. You ain’t even really wearing them. I can wear them better than that. You’re in the wrong game son. And I ain’t talking about you laming on that Fruit Ninja shit.


Oh seriously… The most interesting thing about this is that it looks a bit like Raf Simons from ages ago. Or was it Raf Simons for Jil Sander? Dunno, dunno, dunno, can’t be bothered to Ask Jeeves, nodding the fuck off over here…


Ok, so this jazz version of Kurt Russell out The Thing is at least more interesting. I can imagine wearing this and getting that orange shit from my Wotsits all over the rug bit. The pale trousers are reasonably on-point, but a more directional lean would see them a bit fuller.


Some sites bemoan the double-monk as being a weary cliché of the #menswear movement. I prefer to see it as a classic style that dips in and out of trendiness. True, they are a dudeswear blog staple, but I kind of like these, although they do look like they have a dreaded gum sole. Dunno if you’ve ever owned gum soled shoes? If not, a warning. They don’t half get modged up with pavement gack. That clean looking yellowy-beige, turns black on the sole and it creeps up the sides. Course they might not be gum soles, I might be mistaken, if so… just forget everything you kind of just skip-read and had already forgotten, again.

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