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Hender Scheme: I took a chance on a vegan cheese and kimchi toasty

Not sure what’s happened to me. I actually what to do things again. Maybe it’s the confidence that comes with a double-needling (or maybe I’ve just got bored of Covid) but either way, I’ve been out enjoying parks, exhibitions, shops, restaurants and bars; living a decent approximation of a pre-Covid life; just with a mask always close to hand.

I’ve spanked silly money on Simone Rocha socks for my girl in Dover Street, zip-wired across Regents park and laid on impromptu posh-nibs for garden visitors. I’ve chatted to randoms in pub gardens and performed some rudimentary body-popping in front of a DJ playing to about six people. I even took a chance on a vegan cheese and kimchi toasty.

Admittedly these are hardly adventures worthy of the new Indiana Jones movie, but after 18 months of Sauron-like gawping at Netflix, I’m feeling like a socialising super-hero  — I’ve rediscovered my power too, it’s drinking so much lager and lime I insist on sleeping fully-clothed on the bedroom floor.

I’ve been aided in my exploits by my new Suicoke x Neighborhood sandals. I’ve worn them with shorts, jeans, Needles HDs, even a RANDT suit  — all with socks obviously, I’m not a barbarian. They’re so comfortable and so light-weight, they’re bit of a life-changer really. So now I’m on the lookout for similarly cozy footwear options, ones that can bounce from super-casual to dressy-casual and can withstand the rigours of a six-pints-in experimental robotics session.

These weirdly named ‘Medi Mocca Quilting’ shoes from Hender Scheme are my best find so far. Total brutality. I can’t even begin to explain just how much I want these shoes, I feel like they should be mine by right. Although it seems Hender Scheme disagree, they appear rather insistent on charging £350 for the privilege.

When shoes come along that make all your other shoes look rubbish, it’s a feeling of utter desire teamed with intolerable despair. But it’s true  — up against these my entire footwear collection now seems positively etiolated. Who would have thought a combination of quilted polyester, velcro and a Vibram sole could be so profoundly withering?

Over at Loftman it looks like they’re selling for more like £250, but after import duty, a slice for the proxy-man and postage I’m sure it’d all add up. Besides, I don’t think they’ve got my size.

All of which is a shame, because I’m now convinced these shoes are the key I need to unlock other adventures. I’ve got tickets to see Constellations with Anna Maxwell Martin and Chris O’Dowd next week, then the week after it’s the Peckham Queer Art Boot Fair. Now, without these shoes, I’m not sure if I’m up to the task.

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