Hunting. Horrible. I could never pull the trigger on a laughing deer. Yet I’ve no problem with Mr Moo Cow sliced and served into Tesco’s Finest Chuck and Brisket Burgers. I’m unprincipled. I’m a hypocrite. I like sausages, but I couldn’t hatchet a pig.
So when it comes to ‘hunting’ shirts my fraudulence is complete. I’d wear this shirt. Even though it’s basically a celebration of murder.
This is new from White Mountaineering. And to compound my feeling of unease, I suspect it’s inspired by the bad kind of murder. If hunting to survive is sort of okay, depending on your perspective. Hunting for sport is derided by anyone with a conscience. And this looks like a hunting for sport kind of garment. All those pockets? Are they even complete without a bouquet of strangled pheasants hanging from them?
Putting the infantile musings to one side, let’s take a look at this thing for what it is. Apparently it uses ultra-thin moleskin made of Supima cotton, a corduroy-like fabric and three types of flannel. You’ve got what appear to be five pockets in different shapes — four have snap buttons, one’s just a slot really, presumably for some kind of penknife? I think hunters use penknives?
In fairness, I doubt White Mountaineering actually intend this garment to be worn by real-life huntspeople. It’s too expensive, a walloping £268 without postage, import duty and proxy. Also you’ve got to imagine it’s too fancy for recreational execution. If a victimised stag had the wherewithal to take aim with its great antlers, I expect they’d fly straight though that Supima cotton and mince the hunter’s guts. A pleasingly ironic outcome I’d say.