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Engineered Garments: Don’t cry, we’re all in this together

Don’t sneeze. Scrub your hands. Incinerate used tissues. Shit man, welcome to armageddon, population everyone. Required viewing: David Cronenberg’s Rabid, George Romero’s The Crazies and forgotten BBC gem The Mad Death. I wonder how things will look by Friday 10th April — 28 days later.  My Aesop Aromatique hand-wash is already taking a hammering. This is the new normal. And quite right too. According to this frighteningly smart piece, businesses should go into lock-down immediately. My work-work is shuttering on Monday. So I’m hunkering at home for the forceable.

But amongst the chatter about the uselessness of masks and predicted infection curves, there’s one conversation notable by its absence. Sure, we’ve got to look after the elderly. But what about the impact on international menswear fanatics? If we’re all locked up indoors, who’s going to see how banging my new South2 West8 blazer is? It’s time for real talk people.

Let’s look at this zip-pocketed monster from Engineered Garments. Sure you can order it. And, assuming the guys at The Bureau are still on duty, you’ll get it delivered by a posty in a hazmat suit. But then what? Who are you going to impress? Looking at yourself in the mirror is fun for the first hour. But what happens as hours become days and days become weeks? Without an audience, who’s going to give you approval? How will your fragile ego fair without regular doses of saccharine affirmation? I don’t have the answer. Don’t cry. We’re all in this together.

It is a lovely piece mind you. It’s called a ‘leisure jacket’ and speaking as someone for whom leisure is their preffered occupation, I suspect it’d come in handy. It’s unlined with a three-button fastening and all three front pockets are zippered. I don’t know whether I need my blazer pockets to be zippered, but looking at this, I now want them to be.

There’s a lovely navy foulard pattern in the mix too. Nothing too OTT, but enough for you to be able to wear it with navy cotton trousers and it look sufficently different. It’ll provide a distinct and proper trousers and blazer feel. There’s nothing worse that a blazer and trousers of similar, but not exactly the same fabric.  It looks like you’re trying to con people into thinking it’s a suit. But it’s not. And everyone knows. No, there’s nothing worse than that. Apart from maybe dying from Covid-19.

The South2 West8 blazer I mentioned earier is real. I haven’t worn it out yet. And now I’m too scared. Nepenthes don’t do masks. If you need me I’ll be in front of my mirror.



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