I’m on the tube, sitting opposite someone in a plague mask. I’m not wearing a plague mask. Now and again we lock eyes. Should I be scared that she’s a carrier? Or am I the infected? Know one trusts anyone anymore. We’re living through The Thing. But with fewer exploding stomachs.
These hats look infected. They look splattered with what Covid-19 looks like through a microscope. I mean, I’m no scientist, I’m just guessing. But then isn’t everything we read about the virus leaden with speculation right now.
Japanese makers Infielder Design are behind this headwear. It’s a brand stocked over at London’s Garbstore. But if you’re taken by these specific styles you’ll have to head to Korean outpost I Am Shop. They offer two styles of bucket — two degrees of brim-slope basically, one like a 80s Kangol, one more like a boonie. Each is offered in two viral colour ways – a poisonous looking purple and a brown and yellow mix that looks like the contents of a rabid man’s nappy.
Every so often my girl points out that the women’s runways are full of bucket hats. I suspect she’s jabbing at my adherence to the style. I have to say, I don’t care whether “the kids” are wearing them, or they’re floor to ceiling in LF Markey, I love ‘em. Nothing is more efficient at transforming a straight blazer and trousers into the uniform of a radical academic with a comprehensive 1960s soft-porn collection. A higher sartorial ambition it is a difficult to imagine.