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From wanker-banker to Kubrick astronaut

If you look at the top-down silhouette, these loafers look treacherously like the kind of square-toed wazz worn by threadbare commuters. They bring to mind 90’s Patrick Cox shoes; a chisel-ended form that’s remarkably still championed by the accountancy community today. Perhaps the stubby look has come full circle? Could it a thing again? Swedish brand Acne appear to think so.

If I’m honest, the square-toe is a comparatively trivial element of these loafers. Yes, clearly, they’re white. But they’ve also got a sole unit that immediately teleports these from wanker-banker to Kubrick astronaut.

Don’t get me wrong, Acne isn’t usually my flavour. But these are worth seeing for the sole alone. Witness that fatness. They’re like a pair of 80’s shoes that have eaten a pair of 90’s shoes. They’re Sonny Crocket with all six Infinity Stones.

Think about these shoes worn dressed down, with a wide-cut pair of olive cargo pants, hems given a couple of rolls. What do you reckon? Acne or otherwise, to me that sounds fully fearsome.

Unfortunately the price is also fearsome. How does £450 grab you? I imagine it doesn’t. Perhaps you don’t care either way. It’s entirely possible you think I’ve lost the plot with these. Acne’s a bit on the ‘fashiony’ end of things – let’s not forget these are a pair of white leather loafers with a sneaker-sole and a mildly square toe. I can imagine your typical Selfridges-style consumer pairing these with some denim leggings, no socks and a ‘radical’ t-shirt with a sex word on it. But I think they’d look best as a kind of ‘smart trainer’, with airy, loose cottons; they’d work great with a casual suit for a modern wedding. Anyway, each to their own. I rather hope you don’t like them. That means I might stand a chance to cop come sale time.

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