Beheavyer. Not a brand currently available in the UK. Perhaps not a brand you’ve heard of. But believe me, you’ll want to. With the rise of the right, the collapsing ecosystem and the introspective horror-show of Brexit, my confidence in the future of humanity is already in the toilet. But if some enterprising retailer isn’t trying to bring this brand over here as I type, I’ll assume we really have all given up. I’ll assume everyone accept me has secretly agreed to not to bother, to just let mankind descend into a welter of flailing fists, rabid dribble and nuclear sunshine. Ironically, exactly kind of situation this shirt is perfect for.
When gangs of irradiated Brexiteers try and steal your last tin of Spaghetti Hoops, the loose cut will enable maximum agility – stabbing the rascals in the eyes with a screwdriver will be a sinch. And that light cotton fabric means you’ll remain cool, even as the warheads melt your conservatory.
Beheavyer do some seriously interesting clothes. The utilitarian influence is strong and the palette muted and wearable. But as with the best menswear, the beauty is in the details, the choices the brand has made around pleating, pocket size and position and plays on asymmetry. There is a lot to see; you should check out the full range on the brand site.
Back to this shirt though. It’s called a ‘tunic shirt’ (I mean, it is baggy a hell) and while the brand produce this style in a number of fabrics, this fat striped version just kills. Now take a look at this image:
Different fabric, same style. But this shot really shows its USP detail. There’s a giant ‘step’ between the front and rear hems. Of course this adds volume, but it also just looks absurdly cool. All hangy-out shirts should look like this. But they don’t. Only Beheavyer’s do. And that’s why I’m going to have to buy one.
At the current exchange rate these work out at less than £90. Which, for this level of difference, is godly. There’ll be import duty and postage to factor in, but still, this a total weapon. Perhaps not as essential as a chainsaw, a hammer or a sword when the post-apocalyptic ghouls come calling. But pretty good for staying on-point as the air is filled with screams.