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A man’s pumping ass poking from under my sleeve

The other night, while suitably ‘refreshed’, I stumbled into a 24 hour shop with the intention of purchasing a low quality pre-packed sandwich and other assorted comestibles. I left the shop with a new lighter featuring a picture of a woman wearing an inadequate swimsuit.

A couple of factors influenced this result. Firstly, I rarely see rude lighters sold these days. Just like pens featuring women with disappearing dresses and porno playing cards, they are items now deemed wildly out of step with contemporary values. Secondly, as I say, I was leathered.

All of which makes me wonder who’d buy one of these erotic bangles?

They’re from Kapital and as you can see feature a, presumably consensual, coupling between a man’s knob and a lady’s orifice. Even drunk I wouldn’t buy one of these. Now sure, there’s a cultural difference between a lighter with a cheesy photo of a model and an engraved representation of vintage erotica. But, putting aside the social politics of the matter, they are both rude, yet one is a disposable frivolity, while the other is to be worn, sober, as a representation of your personal style.

I’m not sure I can sit in a meeting wearing a bracelet showing people making fuck. Perhaps this is where my liberalness and pretence towards a bohemian outlook falls down. I don’t really want to have to explain to a potential client why they can see a man’s pumping ass poking from under my sleeve.

If you’re built from sterner stuff, you can grab one of these brass ‘Souvenir Bangles’ in either the ‘Shunga‘ or ‘Pin Up Girl‘ styles over at Haven. But they’re too sexy for me. A few days after buying my lighter a pair of ladies asked me for a light outside a cafe. I handed them the swimsuit lighter and began an unsolicited and nonsensical rant about being ‘post-post-ironic’. They smiled kindly. I haven’t used the lighter since.

1 Comment so far

  1. Mr Brown

    I don’t mind the saucy pics but…
    “Don’t fall for me. You’ll get hurt”
    and the army reference inside are both just a bit naff.

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