Look, I found a shell

Facebook is officially a graveyard of the banal.

Look, I’m drinking an alcoholic beverage on a weekday. I’m ‘checking in’ at a members bar (that was trendy in 2005.) I’ve just been running. I’ve been in the sea and I found a shell. I’m flying to a different country. I’m flying back from a different country. I’ve just given something to charity – see how I modestly tell everyone. Here’s a picture of my child. Here’s a video of my child doing a thing all children do. Look at my child doing that thing. Look at my fucking child. It’s my child. Look at it.

This shirt would break Facebook. It’s too interesting. I won’t even bother putting this post on Facebook. Primarily because it’s not a picture of raccoon looking blankly at a camera, so everyone can type “soooooooo cute’ underneath, before heading to Primark to buy some piss-dreadful shoes that were probably stuck together by a Bangladeshi worker who’s developed leukaemia from persistent solvent exposure.

This number is by Takumi Oomura’s brand Niche, a brand that draws inspiration from traditional Argentine culture, frequently threading in utilitarian aspects of workwear and military attire. A few things separate this shirt from the kind of floral shirt you might see on Facebook, worn by a middle-manager, at a birthday party, in All Bar One. It’s made from vintage fabric, it features a boxy cut and it has a draw cord waist. Also it’s by Niche, a brand a middle-manager at a birthday party in All Bar One would never have heard of. Typically a middle-manager at a birthday party in All Bar One would be wearing a floral shirt by Paul Smith, the PS line. He would have bought it in the sale at John Lewis. He thinks it is both wacky and posh. It’s actually far too tight and it makes him sweat lager making his head look red and greasy. Quick, get that Facebook picture posted.