Not to sure what your relationship with flowers is? Mine is relatively rudimentary. I understand what they are and I know where they’re likely to be. I know some of them smell. I know you can watch them grow in a garden until you get bored. Or you can chop them off with scissors, stick them in a vase and watch them slowly die. You can also wear clothes covered in drawings of flowers. For confirmation of this final point please see above picture.

Depending on your personal taste, you will either consider this a dazzling, life and soul piece, or a queasy-making abomination of such perversion you feel physical pain just looking at it. It’s one or the other. Love or hate. Unless you’re a tiresome nitwit like me who just can’t make up his mind.

It’s by the brand Unused. Deliberately oversized. 100% rayon. And (as they point out with some understatement on retailer Coverchord) designed to take the “leading role” in your outfit. Leading Role? This thing’s an entire cast of characters, a script re-write by David Mamet and a Weta level special effects budget.

No one is not going to see you in this. There’s no softening its potency by dressing it down with jeans and sneakers. It’s a full on kick in the chops. Followed by half a pint of tequila and a considerate bumming in a sex swing. If that sounds like you, you’ll probably consider the £194 price tag pretty reasonable.