Yeah, believe your eyes. These are the T-shirts featuring still life paintings of a bonfire and a vanity table you’ve been after. I know, I know. How long have you been looking for these?

Before you get too excited, these are Japan only. So for the interested it’s a trip to Digital Mountain, via a proxy service, and at my estimate you’re looking at 58 quid a pop, not including freight and tax. Having said that, they are unusual. For me, the bonfire is a bit too ‘fire’-literal – as in the go-to #menswear slang. And if anyone told me my T-shirt was “lit”, I suspect I’d involuntarily squash into a soggy mixture of man and spacetime wormhole. For safety’s sake, I’d go with the vanity table.

It’d still be difficult to explain why I was wearing a picture of a vanity table.  I mean, I like the painting style. But I have no great affiliation with vanity tables. In fact, out side of off-the-peg supermarket soap and whatever shampoo my girl is using, I have no regime to speak of. I cut my own hair with clippers and have, on occasion, directed them in a southerly direction, because I read somewhere that you’re supposed to now and again. Information which get’s us all nowhere, other than feeling vaguely self-conscious and pointlessly off topic.