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King handsome doesn’t know what aporetic means

Who does this bro think he is? Damn his straight-up handsomeness. Damn his tan and his micro-beard. And damn his all-Needles summer get-up. What’s he fucking looking at over there? I bet nothing. I bet the photographer just said, “tilt your head to one side and look a bit aporetic.” I bet King Handsome up there didn’t even know what aporetic means. I do. I looked it up.


This outfit is straight-up fire. Bit poncy? Get out the van brah. This matchy madness will get the men wanting to punch you and the ladies wanting to kiss you. On the lips and everything.

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Check that shirt with its varsity V neckline and tie-dyed natural indigo finish. And the matching shorts. Shit. The top’s 333 quid – that pricing is demanding that my lifestyle sidestep this. I can’t even be bothered to look up the price of the shorts.

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Damn that handsome bastard. I think I love him. I can barely bring myself to point out that his Birkies are, like, so last summer.

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