Oh dear. Looks like this dude’s been fighting off Rolf Harris’ sexual advances. I say that, because hilariously, this jacket looks like it’s covered in paint splashes. These days, all you’ve got to do is mention the daft old celebrity painter, recently incarcerated for numerous counts of indecent assault on under aged girls, and just listen as the laughs roll in. I’ll give you a minute to compose yourself…

You’re looking at an AXS Folk Technology anorak, one in collaboration with the East Dane store. And to be fair, the whole painty-dribbly thing is a signature of AXS Folk Technology and, I would hazard a guess, not in any way inspired by the recently disgraced digeridude.

I’m all about strong jacketing right now. And I like white for winter too. As the nights duvet in, I think a popping white coat is a decent anaesthetic to grey clouds, pissing skies and puddle dodging. It’s unlined, so a weighty knit underneath may be called for, but loosen those side zips and it’ll fly on and off.

East Dane are looking for just over 200 British coins for this. Which is reasonable. The AXS stuff is brilliantly made and fashion-forward enough to provide stand-out for a good season or two. I like it, although you’d have to be careful to keep it clean. I’d suggest that when wearing, only eat blue food. So if there is a spillage, you can claim it’s part of the pattern. You know, all that blue food… Blueberries, those round Liquorice Allsorts, Slush Puppies… blueberries…