I call into question the historicity of the tie-waist trouser. I reckon their association with creaky old bros, mobility aids and weeping catheters is a myth. I prefer to consider them the choice of the radical. The sort of dude for whom fiddling a belt through belt loops is squandering precious genius time. A dude of spirit, industry and learning, who finds managing the hum-drum mechanism of a zip fly, simply steals moments from deliberation, analysis and action. Whether he has a fully operational penis, is neither here nor there.
If that brah sounds like you, you’ve found your next pair of slacks. 100% Herringbone cotton, with a deep rise and large front pockets, these Anachronorm power-trousers are perfect for the dude who’s got more on his mind than how society dictates a gent should take a wazzoo.
There’ve got a loose, relaxed fit and there’s the all important front drawstring for adjustment – this is strictly a no belt loops zone. The cost may surprise you too. They’re made in Japan, which usually guarantees a mad lucci drop, but over on Blue Button, they convert from Canadian to UK bills kindly. Just 104 royal coins will have you lacing up your midriff like a Victorian prostitute.
Course, when you actually do end up in a public urinal, standing alongside three schoolboys and you’ve got to untie your waist-cord and scoop a large swathe of your trousers down to get your tip out… Obviously, you’re on your own bro.