If you slept on these shoes, it’s already too late. I feel a certain sense of responsibility having not spotlighted them earlier. That said, it’s a ‘certain sense of responsibility’ so mild as to have no discernible impact on my life whatsoever. Which only leaves the issue at hand, these shoes and the fact that you almost certainly can’t own them.

When I first clocked these, the fact that they’re Paraboot threw me. I tend to lump Paraboot in the same category as Redwing; perfectly well made, functional, and to many eyes stylish. It’s just that they’re everywhere. I mean, okay, Paraboot aren’t quite as everywhere as Redwing. But Paraboot have an annoying label on them that literally says ‘Paraboot’, so each time I see a pair I’ve really seen a pair. And I feel like I’ve seen a pair every time I’ve used my eyes to look anywhere. That this is demonstrably untrue is not the point.

Anyway, they’re too easy to get, far too easy to actually buy. Buy a pair here, right now. Deal done. Assuming you want black, or brown. However if you want this pair, this hairy cow pair right here, forget it. Unless you are size 7 or 11 (is anyone?) these shoes are over for you.

Retailer Goodhood do offer an (email if back in stock) option on other sizes. But I’m a bit glass half empty on that. Plus, Google isn’t coughing up any other retailers of this particular style. Really, I don’t know why I’m even writing about them. Goodbye.