Last night, when I finally got served in Bar Story, I thought about ordering ‘four of whatever takes the longest to make’. You know, just like everyone in front of me always seems to do. When did ‘a couple of beers’ in a bar, turn into a greengrocer display troupe? There’s more mulching, shredding, drizzling and grating, than there is actual liquid being served. Every time I go, there’s always some toolpiece in front of me ordering an allotment’s worth of diced vegetation, served in eggcups. It. Takes. Fucking. Ages.

Balls to that arable shit. I like to keep things simple. A simple pint with a dash of lime. A simple bag of regular peanuts. A simple pair of trainers that look like MTV fucking a pyjama factory.

Spot the odd one out?

You’re peeping the Bodega x Saucony Polka Dot Pack. I’ve never been into Saucony. I’ve never bought anything from Bodega (although they do e-tail some savage kit.) And, as readers on the reg will know, I’m much more about clean, plain kicks. But, every now and again I get my head turned. And it’s usually by sneaks that look like they know where the party’s at.

Both the green and the blue models rock polka dot print, pattered insoles and accents-amundo. I’m pretty taken with both these badboys, but if I had to selecta, I’d go green. They launch TOMORROW at Hanon and they’ll expect you to divulge the whereabouts of 110 quid for the pleasure. Even so, I expect they’ll fly. Quicker than I can order a bottle of Asahi at Story at any rate.