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Pattern Portraits: Let’s get shirty

I’ve received an email from Mr Porter with a subject line that reads: ‘Let’s get shirty’.

Let’s get shirty.


What does that even mean?

The word ‘shirty’ used to be used to describe those who were bad-tempered or annoyed. Are Mr Porter inviting us to get more pissed off?

In the context of the email, ‘let’s get shirty’ is of course (what’s popularly called) a play on words. But it’s so lame a ‘play’ as to be nonsensical.

Here’s Mr Porter, all tasteful pencil drawings of dudes with side-partings and videos showing you how to properly pack your Incotex chinos before jetting off to somewhere you read about in Monocle, and the best they can come up with is ‘let’s get shirty.’

Apologies for the rant, but such cut-and-paste editorial really irritates me.

By the way, if you Google ‘let’s get shirty’, the top result is  — the company responsible for those t-shirts that feature slogans like ‘Farewell to soggy bottoms’.

Let’s get fucking shirty, I ask you!


In the spirit of not wasting that important intro, let’s look at some shirts. Shirts that Mr Porter don’t sell (that’ll learn ’em) and some hats. ‘Hatty days’, you might say. You know, because it sounds a bit like ‘happy days’. Oh never mind…

The shirts pummelling your eyeballs in the gif are by Pattern Portraits. They’re available now over at London’s Kiosk N1C and the ingredients are 76% organic cotton, 24% hemp and 1000% ‘fuck me, my eyes, my eyes!” These kind of colours are usually only seen during a phosphoric experiment. But come on, we’re kind of, sort of, out of lockdown, if that doesn’t warrant wearing a shirt made of pure joy I don’t know what does.

Grab one of these and you’ll also be doing a good deed. Apparently all the cash-money from the sale of these pieces will go towards the Lower Stable Street Grant  — a fund aimed at keeping Central Saint Martins students in bagels and rollies. Sounds like good call to me.

The Pattern Portraits hats are worth a look too. Again, nuclear-powered, but if you’re looking for a brassy punctuation to a plain fit, get involved.

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