I’m a very exciting man. I’ve got loads to say, lots of compelling opinions on everything from current events through to 1970’s Italian horror movies. I’ll happily talk for hours about underground electronica. Everyone I know knows this. It’s not surprising that when I arrive at a pub my friends suddenly have an important phone call to make, or they have to run home to put the cat out. I get it. They feel inadequate.
But I’m self-aware too. I know not everyone’s as enchanting as me. Some dudes need a little help in grabbing and holding people’s attention. Which is where this hat comes in.
Make no mistake, this shit is the piss. An exploding Nakatomi Plaza for your head. Anyone seeing you in this won’t be able to take their eyes off you. Literally. Their eyes will be fused to your head like a conjoined twin. Not sure where its power comes from? Batteries are neither included, nor required. This thing is somehow running itself. It’s like some Dr Strange shit, you’ll need to conjure the Bolts of Bedevilment just to take it off.
It’s the work of the LA brand Jungle. The inspiration is apparently, “surf culture and Hawaiian island vibes.” But those colours. That blinding pink and clashing red, so innocuously called, “Salmon Paradise”, can only have come from a deal with Pazuzu himself.
Normally I’d recommend teaming this hat with some navy, maybe some khaki, something simple to frame the pattern and let it just do its work. But here I’m out of advice. It’s too powerful. It’s a wear at your own risk job. It reminds me of the sci-fi epic Sunshine and the moment Captain Kaneda (Hiroyuki Sanada) is stuck outside the ship. Unable to escape his fate, he can do nothing except stare down the full explosive might of the sun. “What do you see?”, yells a crew mate, “WHAT DO YOU SEE?”
I reckon it was this hat.