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Merely Made: the longest journeys are in the imagination

I went for my first walk in six weeks yesterday. I felt like Veronica Cartwright in Invasion of the Body Snatchers — pokerfaced, unemotional, but afraid that at any moment passersby would start pointing and screaming. My walk didn’t last long. I turned a corner and came within a metre of a mum and her buggy. My legs went. My girl had to hold my hand all the way home.

During a lockdown there’s a certain irony in selling trousers called ‘Nomadic Pants‘. Nevertheless, here they are and with a blanket 20% off over at Korean makers Merely Made they’re an appealing proposition.

As you will clock from the pictures, these are big pants; or in the language of Merely Made: ‘Extreme super wide fit’. If you’re considering a Needles HD pant, these are slightly cheaper (not factoring in postage and import duty) and are probably in a similar ballpark massiveness-wise.

Crucially (and speaking as someone with experience of the HD pant) they’ve got pull-ties at the ankle. This means you can call Hammertime anytime, get those bottoms tied in and bust into some ‘running man’.

Apparently there are three different fabrics at play, although it’s tough to see in the shots. The rear pockets look a slightly different shade. There’s also a sunglasses slit pocket on the thigh somewhere — although you’ll need better eyesight than me to pick it out.

Regular readers will know I’m a strong advocate of the oversized trouser. Lockdown or otherwise, big is best. Even if, like me, the longest journeys you’re taking right now are in your imagination. For the record, my current mental odyssey involves living on a red planet (could be Mars) populated by women dressed in shiny metal bikinis, there’s some kind of man-sized British mammal (could be a vole) in a crown ruling over the women and they’re keen for me to take over, as long as I stop chain-smoking Marlboro Gold.

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