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Loewe: Day three in the Big Brother house

Already Covid-19 has developed a new symptom — conference calls have gone viral. Tinny voices shrieking from smartphones. The robotic echo of bad connections. Hello, can you hear me, I’m here, I’m heeeeere, [fuck me], do you need to restart? Hello, hello…

It’s piss, no doubt. But there is one upside to this lockdown culture. If you’re using video conferencing, you at least get to show off the top half of your daily flex.

This gold suede leather tunic would have a devastating impact over VC. Primarily because your colleagues are more used to seeing you in a stripy cotton shirt. Secondarily because it’s fucking preposterous. People will assume you’ve gone lockdown mad. I mean, look at it. It’s Diana Ross at The Last Supper.

If you’re looking to get out of work entirely, toss this on and turn up for a couple of important video calls. Now watch the Google Calendar invites dry up. You’re a man down. You’ve gone full Colonel Kurtz. You’re probably off somewhere starting a cult worshiping the virus.

This is obviously not the kind of product we’d typically spotlight. It’s by Spanish richness-likers Loewe for one. There are few brands more nuclear-lux, more steeped in jingle-jangle glitz. I can’t imagine your typical Loewe customer being much troubled by Covid-19. I expect they’re all sitting it out in their panic rooms tickling each other with feathers on sticks and laughing at footage of people panic-buying bog roll.

I can’t tell you much about this piece. It’s over at the LA house of sartorial hedonism Departamento. It’s a store that sells obscenely priced fash to wealthy tanned people who don’t poo. There is no product description on their site other than; it’s made of leather; the model wears a size medium and it costs $3,990.00. I expect that’s all the Loewe customer needs to know. I’ll take two, and do you do them for pets?

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