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In SE15 you can’t move for youths in multi-pattern bongo pants

“Relax on an evening out in this luxury pure silk lounge set.” That’s the pitch for this matching Haversack shirt and trousers over at retailer Mohawk General Store. And I like that pitch. “Luxury”, “pure silk”, “relax”; that’s some top-drawer vibing. We’re talking neon, potted palm trees, maître ds offering free Caipirinhas and synthesiser music 24/7. This ridiculous pure silk lounge set is offering me a lifestyle I don’t have and I’m eager to accept it.

Needless to say, it is difficult to imagine a more impractical get-up for UK life than a billowing pair of silk balloon trousers and a matching short-sleeved shirt. Objectively I can appreciate the look. But London life is hardly Miami Beach. One misstep getting out of an Uber, one accidental splash from an oily puddle and you’ll have art deco’ed yourself into a laughing stock. I don’t recall Sonny Crocket getting a discarded Nik Naks packet stuck to the bottom of his espadrilles.

That. All. Said. As separates, I think I could probably get some action out of these. In south east London right now you can’t move for youths in multi-pattern bongo pants. So yeah, there is an unpalatable element of on-trend-iness to this proposal. But let’s not forget, with Present, Haversack’s sole UK retailer, no more, the brand is back to being tricky to acquire – obviously (albeit somewhat pathetically) a good thing. Plus, these pants are silk. Most pretenders to the crazy-pant throne are cheap cotton, the kind of thing you pick up during a gap year in Thailand. At the very least, these are a luxurious version of what art students are currently wearing. And, you know, paisley… often a good thing.

I’m not doing a very good job of enthusing about these. I’m not sure if my heart’s in it. The trousers could be a thing, I guess. The shirt, oh I dunno. Did I say this stuff is on sale? The trousers are only $451 now. The shirt’s $346. So just $800 bucks to look like the dude on this page. I think I’ve figured out why this stuff doesn’t fit my lifestyle.

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