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Latches, stirrups and harnesses

My girl is unable to put things back where they belong. I’m not entirely confident that she grasps the basic premise that things, stuff, objects we own, can (and arguably should) be placed where we’ve previously agreed they live.

Radical viewpoint it may be, but I tend to find that by putting things where they should be makes it easier to find that thing again later. My girl on the other hand prefers to put things in the nearest available place. Hence outstanding gas bills tucked under the cutlery and iPhone accessories in mixing bowls, while piles of receipts I need to expense are frequently discovered making friends in my pants drawer.

At least with a jacket like this I can be the master of my own domain. Look at the pockets on it – it’s a wearable cupboard.

This is a Field Jacket from, new to these shores, imprint Norbit by Hiroshi Nozawa. Take a look around the back and you’ll see what’s referred to as a ‘game pocket’; a giant zippable flap that doubles as a repository for any game you decide to hatchet to death, and a bum protector for, well… sitting on.

Around the front it’s all pockets and clasps and latches and stirrups and harnesses and restraints and ball gags – a nylon BDSM dungeon with no safe word. I don’t even know where to begin untangling all the storage at play here. I’m not sure what’s a phone holder and what’s an anal hook? I guess you just pay the tariff and begin your personal journey.

At the very least, a man in command of this jacket, commands what goes where and what stays there. It’s a portable, wearable, personal organisation system. Of course there’s nothing stopping my girl rooting around in it. But if she takes a wrong turn and encounters my collection of chainmail condoms she better not come crying to me.

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