This coat is covered in popups. Fans of less than scrupulous movie streaming sites will be familiar with the experience. I feel like I want to close a few of them to see what’s underneath. I’m pretty sure that before wearing you’d have to type a phrase into Captcha to prove you’re not a robot.

It’s by White Mountaineering and part of a new drop over at Present. But by some way, this is the stand out piece. It’s a ‘holy shit’ coat. You can’t quite believe anyone felt the need to apply so much detail, so many pockets, so many fastenings. Round the back and all over the front; this is a hostile environment for a minimalist.

According to Present this monster features a two-way zip, a stud closure storm placket, four stud closure pockets and five zip closure pockets. And it’s called the Luggage Mountain Parka, which is appropriate as it looks more like a piece of carry-on than a garment.

This is a serious piece for serious beards. The ideal accompaniment to lifestyle of vintage Minimal Wave vinyl, comfy shoes and tutting as you walk past H&M. Consequently I love it. Although I wouldn’t wear it of course. I’d look like a vegan lasagne. Besides it costs £1,175. Avid users of Putlocker don’t have that kind of dollar just lying around.