I don’t want to write about these. I almost didn’t. To draw attention to them is inviting someone else to buy my size. And I don’t want that to happen. It wasn’t always the case. When I first clocked these in the Alpha Shadows store I didn’t understand them. I understood that, in principle, they were footwear. I got the idea that they were a chunky riff on a Chelsea boot. And I could at least comprehend the rough brushed cowhide suede upper. I just didn’t think they were for me. Today I feel they are so for me, little else is more for me.

Like some of the best ‘interesting’ design, you don’t always get it straight away. You have to catch up. Now I see myself swagging around Peckham, capacious, wide bottom jeans rolled way up and these seemingly sand-blasted boots catching eyes as I casually swig a raspberry Yop.

They’re by Niche, a killer Japanese brand (which if my almost nonexistent research holds true) can only be bought at Alpha Shadows. Trust me, these may look weird at first glance, but they’re a grower. Just don’t buy the size 9s