Have you any idea how uninterested I am in your problems? I’m just not at home to glummery or gloomism right now. I’ve got my reasons. Go on, have a read of the brilliant pop-sciencey Wait But Why, on the subject of how many weeks make up your life. When you look at them, all laid out like that, there’s not that many. Shit dogg, you really haven’t got time to be miz-miz. Still down in the mouth piece? Even when faced with that there science? Oh, I see, you couldn’t be arsed to read it.

Fine… Then just look at this grinning T-shirt. The mouth is a pocket. Come on you doleful loser. Smile. The mouth is a fucking pocket.

These Ts are from Markaware. Nope me neither. Just another enigmatic Japanese brand I’d never heard of until Canada’s mighty Blue Button Shop dropped them under their ‘New Arrivals tab.

They do a selection of colours. And they’ll run you an English ton. So cheer up. Buy a T-shirt. And if you really can’t escape the black clouds, just recite my favourite scientifically rigorous, un-rhyme. ‘Turn that frown, 180 degrees on its axis.’