Consider for a second, the excitement of wearing a sweater with pockets? I know, I know… like the best 80’s sci-fi, it’s almost beyond imagination. So, why does no one do this? Most of cardigans have pockets. Hoodies have pockets, for your Blackberry and shank. Why not sweaters?

No wonder this dude is looking so irritatingly happy. Aside from busting some quadra-sized, trousers and a daft hat, he’s wearing a sweater with fucking pockets. He knows it, and now so do you. If you wanted to be this dude as much as I do, you’ll be wanting to find some Golden Tablet of Pharaoh Akhmenrah type shit, so you can climb into the picture and nick his knit. You know. Like fucking Night At The Museum yo. Don’t pretend you haven’t seen it.

You can swag this pocketed genius over at Digital Mountain – a Japanese e-tailer so incomprehensible to non-Japanese speakers, you may as well just give up now before you’ve started. Anyways, it’s by Hollywood Ranch Market and, assuming you’re happy to risk your credit card in a world of hieroglyphics, it’ll run you ￥21,600. Which is a surprisingly reasonable 127 pounds of normal money.

If only the head designer of Marks & Spencer read this blog. You’d think he could bang out a pocketed sweater like this for 60 beans. And then everyone would buy one. And then I wouldn’t want one. And just to clarify, yes, that is how sad I is.