Like, doctor’s shoes and shit? I’m pretty sure these are worn by dudes who sweep up all the spilled organs and tummy-pipes in operating rooms. You know, porter dudes, looking all swag, carrying around binbags full of lungs. And probably evil 1970s nurses, who smile as they administer electro-shock therapy to patients they secretly know aren’t bonkers. It’s pleasing that Vans are finally targeting the deviant medical market.

This is the Vans OTW x Stampd Tesella in white. Premium white leather upper, light grey speckled UltraCush Lite outer sole – you can see the drill. And the delicious looking lattice work on the sides – kind of think Ginsters had a hand in this colab.

And get on these deets: “tonal matte eyelets, grey micro-suede lining, branded UltraCush™ insole, and waxed rope laces with branded metal aglets.” Feeling it? You can snare them here, if they’re not already sold out. I’m, sort of, into these. I just don’t think I’m enough of a sneakerhead to get fully jazzed. I don’t get all that hyped by shit like, “branded UltraCush™ insole.”

Thing is, I am in the market for new white leather sneakers – just don’t think these are thems. I’m still hooked on getting some white leather Eytys. They come with thick-ass soles. Proper high-rise shit. So if I did have to sweep up some guts, I probs wouldn’t get bleed on my uppers.