This is not the sort of site that just picks ridiculous pieces of avant garde clothing and mocks them. Except today. I mean, come on… I promise you, no one loves Comme des Garçons more than me but… Look at the state of that. It’s the S/S 14 Elephantiasis Collection. It’s for dudes after that whole Victorian side-show vibe, you know, the one that’s making the ladies all boing-boing crazy right now. Get a pair of these on and complete the look by accessorising with a Feejee Mermaid and a Balloon-Headed Baby. Tuppence a look. Strongness!
This is actually a serious pair of jeans. They’re by Comme des Garçons Ganryu and they cost 230 European Euro Pounds from Number 3.
I’m quite interested in the description Number 3 have given the garment, allow me to share…
They say, “Ganryu, high waisted, drop crotch denim cotton, deconstructed, trousers…”
Which, on examination, I guess they are, highish in the waist, yep, denim construction, yep…
They then say, “with side pockets, with button and zip closure.”
Again fair enough, they definitely have pockets and a zip, yep right on…
They then say, nothing else. That’s the product description. That’s it. That’s what they say. At no point do they mention, the fucking elephant (man) in the room.
Did they not think that the consumer of these particular trousers might be slightly interested to know that one leg is skinny and the other could fit an entire rotating log of kebab meat inside it, without touching the sides?
As is that wasn’t enough, the designer, Fumito Ganryu, clearly felt the jeans were missing something. In this instance, a sort of dangling crotch apron, webbing the top of the legs together. I expect he just thought they’d look stupid without it.
What I do really appreciate though, is the attention to detail. Look at the above. Look at the little white cross stitched in, the different fabrics for the belt-loops, all kind of nice. Pity then that no one will ever notice. They’ll only ever be wondering why a bro’s wearing jeans that make him look like a half-transformed Jekyll and Hyde.
Anyway… with that, I’ll take my leave. Thank you, you’ve all been so very kind.