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E. Tautz: Enjoy the sun losers

I’m quite used to holding alternative opinions. Pushing against the crowd, drinking the tea, but leaving the biscuit.

I think it started when I was about nine, when I decided that English/Australian instrumental rock outfit Sky were cooler than The Clash. I can now see my position was at best wrong, and at worst deranged, but at the time I was immovable. Even subject to the 1970’s equivalent of a ducking stool (permanent deadarm) I refused to recant.

Call me a dick, but I still don’t understand why everyone else doesn’t agree with me on everything?

My girl loves the grindingly slow Mare of Easttown, but has zero interest in joining me in a grindingly slow Blake’s 7 marathon? Party guests chat politely during my chillwave set, only to jump about like maniacs at the first hint of anything by Whitney.

On a lovely hot Saturday like today, everyone is out and about: in parks, having barbecues, pitched up outside pubs; laughing, joking, enjoying. But I’m not. I’m inside, thinking about the kind of shirt I’d need to wear if I was to go outside. See. Alternative.

I’ve decided that this shirt by storied London label E. Tautz would do the job, enabling me to present my best version of a sunny day self. Without it, I may as well stay inside eating peanuts, watching unconvincing 70s sci-fi.

I can only find this ‘short sleeve lineman shirt’ for sale over at Japan’s 1LDK, but it’s the perfect choice for seekers of that wearable-deckchair vibe. And let’s face it, you’re a debonaire-ist, this bold, clean stripe story is surely preferable to those exhausted, ratty looking tops you see being dragged out whenever the sun decides to beam.

Sure, it’s a little challenging. The sheer girth of the stripes might give you cause to doubt. But take a hold of yourself man, you can handle it. Yes you’ll get some looks, mostly from peeps in Urban Outfitters’ faux-vintage bullshit, but that’s a win right. Buy it big and wear it bigger  — those giant pockets (cribbed from military shirting) will keep it from looking too blousey. The more I look at this shirt the more I want it, shame UK E. Tautz stockist Matches doesn’t carry it.

Right, I’m off to be more alternative. Haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to declutter my underpants drawer or watch a documentary about 1970’s children’s programmes.

Enjoy the sun losers.

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