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The Conspires: remember to keep breathing

According to a recent poll by Hope Not Hate, 17% of Britons believe Covid-19 was released on purpose to reduce the size of the population. That’s over 11 million people in this country. You might want to let that sink in.

A massive 25% believe ‘global elites’ are in thrall to secret satanic cults. Which basically means a quarter of people right now, living in the UK, genuinely believe Christopher Lee is back daggering virgins as Michelle Obama prostrates herself before Pazuzu.

Of course this is all QAnon’s doing. One anonymous post on 4chan back in 2017 and now look where we are. From within the casual racism and prolapse gifs of the world’s grottiest message board has risen a new level of global idiocy. People, and a lot of people at that, are believing this nonsense.

If it teaches us one thing, it’s to never underestimate the stupidity of others. And just to be clear, I’m not casually bandying the word stupidity about, in this context we’re talking proper, soil-brained, lemming-level thickery. It’s remarkable these fuck-wits remember to keep breathing. And look at the percentages, you may well have one of these loons living next door.

All the more reason to protect yourself. By which contrivance we can now turn our attention to this idiot-proof vest.

This is from The Conspires, a new-ish brand from Nepenthes masterminds Keizo Shimizu and Daiki Suzuki. I have to say I was a little underwhelmed by the label’s first collection, but they seem to have hit their stride this time round with some more interesting takes on quilting and pattern  — you can see the range over at Haven. I’m liking the reversibleness; one side leopard print, the other plain grey with patterned trim. It’s certainly practical and in common with a lot of Engineered Garments will be a useful tool for adventures in layering.

Happily this piece is made almost entirely from polyester. And I have it on good authority (4chan) that polyester has been scientifically proven to repel the stupid. Which, if you think about it, is why Republicans only wear suits made of God’s own wool. Only Satan worshiping lefties wear art-house, crinkly, sciencey fabrics like polyester. It’s a conspiracy is what it is. Hang on. Conspiracy. The Conspires. Oh my god, it’s been hiding in plain sight all this time.


  1. Johnny Goddard

    Not keen on the waistcoat. But the QAnon piece is spot on. I might nick it to use on other social media!

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